Today I woke up in the city of Dahra, region of Louga, country of Senegal. Today I woke up with ease, no alarm, no real plan for the day, and the AC in my room on a little too cold. Today I woke up two days away from moving to my village. Today I woke up a Peace Corps Volunteer.
Two days ago, my nerves rustled me awake at around 5:30 am. With an alarm set at 5:50 am I decided to take my time to wake up with the resistance to get off my top bunk. I used my free gigabyte given to me between the hours of midnight and 8 am to read the world news and catch up on my friends lives through social media. I finally used my strength to graciously step down from my top bunk, a skill I never mastered in these ten weeks of training. I began to start to get ready for a departure time of 7:00 am. Everyone was rustling away and commenting on the beauty and excited faces on everyone. Suddenly I was on a bus to Dakar. I saw my language teacher through my window and glee came over me as he adjusted his bowtie on his tux and his classic fedora on his head.
Bus travel, sunny skies, sea breeze, speeches in French, speeches in English, Speeches in Wolof, Speeches in Pulaar, Speeches in Johanke, and laughs, and claps, and tears later, I was about to step up to grab my certificate and become a Peace Corps Volunteer. Nervously adjusting my new outfit made from fabric from my village, making sure my head band was on the way I liked it, and making sure my shoe laces were tied. This is the time I noticed that I forgot to wipe off the eyeliner pen mark on my ankle that I used to test it. It was too late my feet were moving my body forward, my hand was outstretched to shake someone’s hand and the other going for a certificate. Freeze in the motion, look at a camera, smile, and walk off towards my seat with a completely new definition given than when I left that same seat.
Yesterday morning I woke up with a mission to get out of bed, put on pants and race out to say my goodbyes. Again, at the hour of 5:30 am my nerves woke me up, and instead of reading and catching up I decided to turn off my alarm for 5:50 am, and hopefully spend time with people leaving at 6:00 am. I was not set to go until 7:00am but other brand-new volunteers, my friends, my family, my support for the last two months, the only people understanding my exact feelings, were leaving and I needed to see their faces again. I walked around said words that I honestly can’t remember in the blur of activities combined with the exhaustion of staying up late to hear our stajj superlatives, and other “last night we can do stuff with these people” activities (the title is my superlative). I just remember hugging for not enough time, crying not enough and saying words of thanks for everything.
After a hug I turned to realize my car was ready to go and I didn’t know I had to rush my last few goodbyes. Quickly said them, got in, and waved. Thies went by, and I was entering Louga. Me and two other friends arrived in Dahra and unloaded our possessions from the car. We met our PCV helpers to bring us to our hotel room and carry everything that we owned. I was exhausted. Going through the motions of making sure I was eating and drinking enough water in the new increased heat. I arrived last night in my bed and easily fell asleep.
Now we are back to this morning. Everything feeling like it is going too fast. Not knowing what is to expect in the next few days. Not knowing how my friends are doing. I feel rested despite the rapid motions of the last few days. The feeling in my stomach is reminiscent of the morning I woke up as a Peace Corps Trainee. Packing everything I own, saying goodbyes to my family and friends and gathering together with people who will be my new friends. Getting onto a bus and heading to the New York airport to board a plane to the continent of Africa. Not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing the plan, not knowing what is to expect, and just going through the motions while the nerves constrain and twist my insides. I take a few deep breaths that cause two or three of the constraints to release, and I think of a song that describes my feelings. The good thing about having a several musicals saved in your head is that there is most likely a song that perfectly encompasses your feelings at any moment.
I begin to hum the beginning of “I have Confidence”
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